私の物語

2011-11-13T18:44:00.002+08:00

看着你睡觉的脸庞

我忍不住点点你的鼻子

把小尾指推推你的鼻孔

玩弄你的嘴唇

瘙痒你的耳朵

沉睡的你迷迷糊糊醒来，生气的

把被子盖着脸紧紧

我把被子拔起来，就是要欺负你

一而再再而三的重复着

我的欺负动作

然后也一直被你迷迷糊糊的骂，推开

我欺负不到你，无聊结果生气了

就跑到自己的床睡

留你一个人在那边

心里还小小声埋怨你

结果你醒了，叫我回来你身边

我不要而且假装听不到

你好像有一点点生气了，

大步大步走到我床边，

然后躺了下来把我压到扁扁，

抱得我紧紧的

不能呼吸

2011-09-05T21:05:00.003+08:00

前几天和父母一起到林明村‘度假’

参与的有三姨他们一家和其他两个家人

本来非常不愿意去

因为假期嘛，只想赖在家

最后还是去了，因为说不过爸爸！

到了那里，我们先在街上走走

天气热到你根本没心情‘度假’

不久后，其他家人到了

第二天

我们五点早上就醒来爬山去看彩虹（是那边非常出名的景点）

是一个瀑布，瀑布下面有彩虹

真正看起来就是这样漂亮

还可以摸彩虹

当天我生病了

因为前一天我食物中毒

而且我那个星期本来就很虚弱

去看了医生

发烧，低血压，贫血

爬山的时候

很不容易

我的早餐吃比人家少一半

我的体力也少人家一半

我爬山到一半，我的病发了

我的双脚发软，心跳很快，眼前空白，我听不到声音

我只看到我的父母突然很紧张的看着我

拉我到旁边的树下坐着

给我水，面包和糖果

我休息了一会儿，好多了

可是父母还是提心吊胆的

每十秒会轮流问我有没有头晕

要不要休息

之后有一位爬山经验丰富的伯伯过来看到我状况不好

便拔刀相助

从背包里拿出一把大刀

随手把身边的树枝坎了，磨一磨

然后把树枝拐杖给我

他说：两只脚不好走，有第三枝，方便多了！

之后就一直跟在我们的后面

伯伯和爸爸很投缘

他们聊得很开心

原来伯伯才年长爸爸一岁！

之后伯伯和爸爸就一直很照顾我

我跌倒，滑倒，头晕，都是靠他们两个

一直推我

拉我

帮助我

我才能到达山顶，看美丽的彩虹和瀑布

到了山顶之后我们坐着看彩虹和漂亮的瀑布

爸爸问我，值得吗? 刚才花了那么多时间和力气上来几分钟，值得吗？

我没回答，心里想

也许有一天我会忘了那个彩虹和瀑布长什么样

可是我永远不会忘记我是怎么爬上来的

2011-08-31T13:52:00.002+08:00

回到登州了！好不容易在那边瘦到可以穿夏天衣服，回来马上给父母喂得圆鼓鼓的！没关系，就快要回去了！哈哈！

这里吃的都是免费的美食，有父母在身边多好！

刚刚去了爸爸马来朋友的家拜年，也吃了好多~ 回来的途中爸爸转去losong买kerepok lekor~一直吃个不停！

也和朋友们见面了！两天，不同一帮人可是吃的都是火锅~ 真幸福有你们！

真是不好意思，出去时全部人都好像会驾车了只有我一个人不会~ 你们放心！我拿到车牌后一定会上山下海都载完你们！感激不尽~（鞠躬）

明天就是回来的最后一站喽！华乐集训~

希望我还记得我五年来学的东西！

2011-08-17T05:04:00.002+08:00

I have been playing this game called 'Virtual Families'. The starting of the game is to adopt a person and nurture him, find him a mate and create a family. It runs in true real time so it is often troublesome for me to take care of them properly since i only play games in the dark.

So this is what happened, my first little adoptee called Stefono (the name was given) died. Not really little tho, because in this game he reached the age of 60. I opened the game just now and what i saw was the family members (wife, kids) were mourning. Stefono waved at me and disappeared. I was sad for a while but i thought hey this is a game, its just a game. Then what really inspired me to write this post is about death.

Recently, i just watched an old movie downloaded by Sheryl called P.S. I Love You. I have read the book few years ago and i thought it was awesome, very touching and lovely. But when i was watching the movie, i cried almost all the way until the end of the movie. Maybe because i have a boyfriend so i can somehow relate how wud it feel if my partner dies.

Just like Stefono. In the game, the wife is called Kara. I couldn't help myself but to step in her shoes. The feeling when you lost your loved ones, sucks a big time. Kara was sad but she recovered very fast because i kept giving her candies (a way of making your adoptee happy in da game). What about me? What if my partner dies? Who will give me candies?

I dun wanna admit the fact that everyone will eventually die when its time. I couldnt help but to think how am i gonna do without him. I don't want to lose anyone in my life. My parents, my family members and my boyfriend.

2011-08-02T01:49:00.003+08:00

To those who are still reading this blog, i am now in my housemate's room, waiting for her to finish editing our folio that we actually need to pass up tomorrow. My health hasn't been good since last 2 weeks, so i guess i really need some rest and listen to my boyfriend. I have 2 battle fish now, called Ruby and Buble. I never knew these betta fishes actually recognizes their master until one day i noticed they were like smiling and looking at me when i approach their tank to feed them, (maybe begging for food but still amazed) , then i googled. Bingo, betta fishes are the only fish species that recognizes people who gives them food / master. I hope they can live healthily.

I miss my family, my parents, my friends and my hometown so much. Im going back for Hari Raya break this august.

2011-07-03T00:07:00.002+08:00

I was so hyper today i wanted to post a happy post but after listening to Maksim's 'Somewhere In Time', everything becomes emotional T.T

So this is the 2nd week since i moved here, everything is fine except we were having a war just now with the cockroaches in the kitchen. We won =O

I miss my family so much and of course my friends

Loneliness has gone because i've made a few awesome friends =)

When i first came here, i thought i can let go of everything sucking my blood before. The hatred, the responsibility, the people

It turns out that i can never do that unless im not me anymore.

I wish i can just let go of these stop hating stop caring

Short update to prove that im still alive

2011-06-27T19:24:00.002+08:00

Here i am, a new place and starting a new life. College is okay, the first semester should be fine. I'm staying in an apartment unit called Cova Villa, with another 2 awesome housemates.

2011-06-12T20:43:00.004+08:00

I went for mt driving test this afternoon and surprisingly i failed. I always thought i would pass no matter what, because i'm so heck used to everything already, all i need is a tester to look at me and say yes. And the reason the pegawai jpj gave me was U BAWA TERLALU LAMBAT. MEMANDU DENGAN BERBAHAYA,.I was like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I had been sitting there whole day waiting for my turn, i had to wait few hours siallll for them to sembahyang and lunch time wtf! Stupid inefficient JPJs! Let me fail some more! Some more i did nothing wrong! THERE'S NO SIGN SHOWING I NEED TO SPEED UP LOR IF GOT SIGN I SURE FOLLOW OK SLOW ALSO NOT UR TAICHI OK AS LONG AS I DON'T DRIVE OVER THE SPEED LIMIT DUMBASS

ARGH

2011-06-09T00:36:00.001+08:00

逃避～

2011-06-07T00:23:00.003+08:00

Ahh it has been a while since ive written anything! Not much has changed. In fact i am still helping out in my mom's cafe everyday like my job more like a routine.

So apparently, im now all alone in KT since almost all of my friends left for their studies and 1 still on vacation. Super boring can! But aha the actual left out loner is still Yanxin because she hasn't decided where to go yet! (or maybe she did, secretly =X)

Just met a girl from where i have been always imagining my hometowns at, Osaka Japan. We call her Azusa-chan. Japanese are adorable they can get amazed super easily lor. Like how i always said 'Itadakimasu!' before i eat, she went the super japanese 'ehhhhhhhhhhhhh' and a pair of big eyes still staring at me wondering was it just her or i did spoke japanese just now. So cute kawaiiiii!

recently just started watching Law and Order altho i know its too late but it is now officially my 2nd favorite TV show. N of course the 1st place has always belonged to HIMYM! Still a loyal fan of lily pad and marshmallow!

ps/ A super giant shout out to liting who has just arrived melaka to pursue her diploma: ALL THE BEST AND I LOVE YOU xoxo

Today

2011-05-20T21:50:00.002+08:00

今天一整天懒懒散散的

本来只想躲在家当个宅女

三点多居然收到一通电话

是panca婆打来的

通知我等下要来带我出去做运动

根本没有要问的意思

‘蛤～有一点懒惰叻～’

‘你想看你多久没有流汗了？’

‘......'

'Horlaaa.. 几点？’

最后熊来带，我们五个人就去沿海公园跑步做运动

不知道是不是太久没有做运动，还是身体最近很弱的关系

我慢跑了两下，心脏突然跳得很快很快，快到我很怕

而且跳的每一下都是痛的

我停下来慢走...

越走越不舒服，眼前居然是一片白色

心脏还是跳的很可怕

擦擦眼睛，我看得到了，前面有椅子

我使劲全力走过去坐了下来

慧梦追上我，然后我转过去看着他

他吓了一跳

‘你怎么那么苍白？？’

我很想回答刚才发生了什么事可是我真的没力说话

就坐在那边

不久熊也追来了

我还是没有力说话~

躺了下来，还是感觉到自己超快的心跳

连按电话手都很吃力，抖着

过了几分钟

终于恢复正常～

心里想：真幸运我没有死

因为刚才那个感觉，真的是很陌生，可怕

然后再开开心心大家去踩石头～

然后再去zies corner喝茶

遇到香蕉哥

续摊

去了coco jumbo =D

2011-05-19T00:38:00.002+08:00

There are literally no words that can adequately describe how am i feeling right now. I have no idea what i am doing.

你是否曾经有过这种感觉？

爱到一个境界

突然觉得自己根本不属于对方的世界

甚至有些配不上他

A night to remember.

2011-05-06T18:08:00.002+08:00

short post:

Yes. It was definitely a memorable night. Remember how long has it been since i attended a gathering? I ain't sure as well. Ee-lynn invited us over to her house for a steamboat party. It was a small event fitting 9 of us in. The food were awesome we couldn't stop enjoying. Maybe all of us hadn't seen each other for a while liao, we talked and laughed like there's no tomorrow. It was undeniably an awesome event.

2011-04-04T22:19:00.002+08:00

今年, 是很特别的一年. 告别了中学生涯, 即将迈入大学生活. 心情复杂得我不知道怎样形容~ 朋友们也一个个离开，去追逐自己的梦想，为前途铺路。回头看一看，十八年来，原来自己变了许多。从以前的母老虎脾气，神经质态度，我变得随随便便，一切用微笑来带过。是好事还是坏事？从以前的三八，过度关照，我变得漠不关心，与世无争。是好事还是坏事？

我的朋友们，你们有改变吗？

今天是有史以来最多朋友生日的一天，祝你们生日快乐，身体健康！

生日星：丽燕，家文，庆豪，嘉沨

2011-03-26T00:28:00.002+08:00

Reality is cold, solitude.

2011-03-15T13:30:00.004+08:00

Hammer Session!

I watched the last episode for the second time yesterday night and i still cried like a baby. Man this is something everyone should watch ok! Shuwei just watch! Don't ask!

Japanese dramas are awesome.

Rating: 9/10 (A must watch)

I actually tried watching Korean dramas because my friends around are being obsessive so i decided to give it a try. Then i chose the drama called 'My Princess' which is kind of new and that i have to wait weekly for it to air then only i can watch online. The main reason i chose the drama is because it has only 16 episodes! Korean dramas usually have 30 and above episodes one.

The rating for My Princess is 3/10.

As usual, Korean dramas including My Princess, the story was draggy and somehow boring. The thing that kept me watching was the main cast, Song Seunghun and Kim Taehee. Both of them are soooo cute and hot.

The humor in the drama and dynamics between the characters was great and i thought it would be a hit. The drama's teaser and first few episodes were very good until things starting to slow down. I normally fall for OST songs but for some reason, none of the songs from the drama are playing in my mind. I don't even remember. -.-'' While watching the drama was enjoyable, but after watching, i never remembered what i had just seen.

日本大地震

2011-03-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

日本发生大地震, 我看了极为伤心. 一个好好的城市在几分钟之内被海浪袭击, 变成平地. 屋子车子就好像我们小时候玩的玩具一样, 飘着. 场面像极了电影2012的画面，令人惶恐，2012世界末日是不是真的会到来？这个，是不是一个警戒？

地球轻轻的一个喷嚏，日本，好一个科技顶尖又发达的国家就这样毁了一半。

看完新闻报道和种种关于大地震的资讯之后，心情沉重起来。一直称自己是日本人的我，在日本有难的时候却什么都做不了，帮不上忙。在这里，我真心为日本祈祷，希望天灾不会再降临，希望失踪的人都平平安安的出现，罹难者安息。

亲爱的日本，加油！你们可以的！

Mercyless

2011-03-02T14:16:00.002+08:00

Without even realising, here comes the 3rd month of 2011.

回头看看，想想自己在这三个月里面完成了多少事情？

我给我自己的答案是，我浪费了两个月多的时间。剩下的当然是和朋友一起度过的时光，珍贵的时刻。巧克力畸形饼干，草莓寿司... 朋友，下一个我们会做什么呢？

无忧无虑的生活使我渐渐失去对所有的要求。我以为自己不会再去想念那个混乱，有爱又恨的中学时光，直到那天，靖雄突然在我们的秘密团体网页说他很想念学校。我们开始回想那些欢乐的时光。在一起聊天，睡觉，吃便当... 搞得我鼻酸酸。我在那之前一直认为我的中学生活因为种种因素，没有什么值得留念的。那次的聊天，大家老样子叽叽喳喳。

你的中学生活有留下遗憾吗？我不遗憾我不够努力（以后可能会），我遗憾的是我没办法和最喜欢的人再聊的天开异想。我不知道我最喜欢的人还喜不喜欢我，可是在我心目中，没有人能够取代她的位置。我很遗憾读书时为什么不和她多说点话，现在恐怕没什么好机会，毕竟没经常见面。

在此劝诫大家，要珍惜自己的知己。不用多，一个就好。

2011-02-24T18:43:00.002+08:00

实在是忍无可忍了！开心了太久，发觉到自己原来没有发泄的空间！我好久好久都没有试过这种感觉了，很想揍人！我不爽！！！！！！！！！！！

干吗？？你真的以为你自己很帅？？？？？？？？？

我最讨厌像你这种人！自以为是！

你真的是厉害到.. 我已经很久很久没有那么生气一个人了，你居然惹我！

我不是病猫！我是恶狗！我不爽，很讨厌很讨厌你！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

重色轻友到这种地步，

难怪你没有任何好友！

气到我啊...

跳海啦你

幸亏我已经毕业了，不用每天看到你的脸

那张又衰又臭的脸！

没有脑！

去跳海pls!!!!

我找不到任何让你继续活在这个世界上的理由！

一枪毙了你！

砰！！！！！！！！！！！！

爽啊！！！！！

Rainbow

2011-02-22T01:39:00.003+08:00

I wonder is the doomsday issue real or not? I hope not... Ive just realized i still have a lot of things to be done, a lot of things of experience and a lot of things to love... The world is just too beautiful to end yt.

2011-02-18T12:27:00.002+08:00

My new layout for the blog! How is it? The colour somehow fits my thoughts now. Im kinda tired of pink, i want something fresh. Like... Peach. ;)
What do you think if i put some sentimental music?

2011-01-31T03:14:00.002+08:00

曾经以为自己会跟别人不一样
自己会不介意，不会管
可是到现在，我不得不承认
原来我也一样
是个现实的人

我过不了我自己那关
自己怀疑自己
是正常还是不正常？

曾经我习惯一切
但现在的我仿佛失去理智
外表平静，脑袋里却澎湃的像生气的海浪
没有任何界限，不受任何控制

是觉悟了，还是闷得发慌胡思乱想了？

2011-01-01T14:00:00.002+08:00

Ahhh its 2011! And today is the first day of 2011 which means it can be written as 1-1-11, how cute.

Anyway, happy new year to all of you!

Although i'm not sure why do i sound so happy but, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So new year new quotes rite! Last year my quote was

"Laugh as long as you live and love as long as you breathe."

For 2011, deng deng deng deng!!

"Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."

I noe rite............

And so, new year new resolution also lah! But before that let us check my 2010 new year resolution first:

http://mistress-zen.blogspot.com/2009_12_01_archive.html

1. Fight for the stupid SPM. Of course i did. Dingdong!

2. Diet. Nyehehehheeh.

3. Make new friends. Dingdong!

4. Get a new phone. Dingdong!

5. Be more organized and mature. Dingdong! (at least i felt so ok.....)

6. Learn at least one more instrument. Dingdong!

7. Learn Japanese language. erhhhhh...........

8. Stay single. Erhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thats it! I did 5/8, more than half! Not bad liao la... Ok so the unchecked must be included in this year's resolution la... Except no.8 hehehe.

My New Year Resolution this year:

1. Slim down.

2. Make new friends.

3. Get a camera.

4. Japanese!

5. Learn one more instrument.

6. Get own laptop.

7. Healthy parents

2010-12-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

Hey! Finally~ Tomorrow is the last day for me to suffer! Chinese huh... blehh.

And finally she breaks down

2010-12-01T21:17:00.003+08:00

Wow it has been some time since i updated my old blog. The main reason is because i am currently sitting for my SPM! Yes it reads Sila Pergi Mati or wud u prefer Sedia Pergi Mati. Am i too late to regret? Like i have never been in such despair situation before, during the entire Mati progress up to now. Like everything i prepared and studied over and over disappeared the moment i enter the classroom. I felt like jumping off the corridor outside the classroom after every paper. I'm on the 5th floor, btw. I was so nervous even when it was My time. I mean my favorite subjects. Then slowly i thought about it, are the grades important? Why the hell i entered pure science stream when i always know that i got no connections with the numbers and terms. Did i made the wrong decision? No... I had no choice. Commerce and art classes in government schools are meant for delinquents... nowadays. Back to the question, are the grades important? How important are high school grades? I am no doctor architect person, so why do i have to study physics, chemistry, biology and the great additional mathematics? And even moral values? I can just type it out all 36 moral values now without referring to the notes so what? U ain't going to teach ur kids kepercayaan kepada tuhan and that they will have to yakin wujudnya tuhan dan ikut suruhannya. I don't get it. Additional mathematics? Look when we go to a restaurant the worst thing is we have to count the bill ourselves and whats more than + - x / ? Are the adults serious about the if-u-dun-get-good-grades-u-hav-no-future stuff?

Okk i know i know. Ignore me. Yes i was just searching for excuses yes.

Tasukete...

2010-11-16T16:19:00.000+08:00

喂, 我们的爱情会长久吗?

我不想分开...

不想吵架了..

我把心放进去了哦

不可以耍赖

我已经不介意别人的眼光，别人怎么说

因为你用了你的行动和那么长的时间来证明

我没有选错

还有那么漫长的路要走，

我们会一直一直一起走下去吗？

2010-11-13T18:43:00.002+08:00

OK i know its weird to have perasan pic as a topic but here you go! My first perasan pic after few months quitting camwhore!!!!!!

Who the hell inspired you to take perasan pics again, since u already quit?
CHAN RUI YI she camwhores all the time n i dono why!!!!!!! I mean it, ALL THE TIME

Which phone did you use to take this perasan pic?
My new pink Samsung Star Wifi!

Did u intend to make your eyes look bigger in this pic?
NO my eyes are so natural hahaha nola a bit lo XD

Did u edit this perasan pic before?
No! Now u know the effect n quality of my phone camera! I love it!

2010-11-08T06:07:00.002+08:00

Hi!!! I know i know i shouldn't appear anymore i know i know exam is sooooooo sooonnnnnn already!!!!!!!!!!! Erhem i just finished Kuroshitsuji II i feel so gloomy =( Im not sure whether to be happy or not because Sebastian is like grounded forever liao and Ciel became akuma!!! =( But at least they can be together forever (i know i know it sounds so gay)

Ok after finishing kuroshitsuji II i made up my mind that someday i want to cosplay as GRELL SUTCLIFF. (then vyiven surely fall in love with me one) SO RED!!

I know he is kinda weird and all those gay stuff (like so crazy over sebby) but isnt he cute? (trying to forget the cruelness of him killing madame red)

And i love his chainsaw -.-'''

Im getting so weird already after this anime dono y sigh

2010-10-22T14:33:00.002+08:00

昨天中午，收到了噩耗

我在睡梦中被吵醒

老师打电话来告诉我教练去世了

请帮忙通知觉民的朋友

我拿着电话一脸不明白

我想我发恶梦了吧

看看 call logs

老师真的有打给我

老师说什么了呢？

谁？谁去世了啊？

老师为什么哭了？

哦，好像是教练

教练去世了?

要通知朋友？

我的手发抖啊

我传不到信息了

不然打给瑞仪和家辉

然后延敬的信息来了

哦，果然是真的啊...

我的眼泪不能停

我的心脏跳的好快好快

那.. 我现在应该做什么呢？

对，通知觉民的朋友

我打了通电话给映虹

又打了一通给瑞仪

然后崩溃

22.10.2010

2010-10-20T12:13:00.002+08:00

Why the hell would a girl, not even reaching her 16, blog like an adult @.@ I seriously cannot understand. Well in this age i am already starting to blame myself for not living younger and always act like a bitch earlier. Sigh, or nowadays kids sorta.. early mature?

2010-10-17T14:17:00.003+08:00

Ohhh issues going around and around and around! Facebook is becoming the new CNN! Seeing people having arguments makes me feel weird. Like, i have got no involvement s in any argument with any people around me for so long already that i actually forgot when was the last time i argued with somebody. Hmm... does arguments in debate competition counts?

Okay by the way, we celebrated Ruiyi's early birthday party yesterday night at First Station. Everything was planned at the last minute and i hope she liked it.

The bf has found a part time work as a waiter in some Chinese restaurant. The weekend thus becomes lifelessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

And yeah! I graduated!

2010-10-16T18:42:00.000+08:00

I'll never forget you...

2010-10-15T01:42:00.002+08:00

Somebody stop me! I have been clicking on the 'replay' button for like 234123321 times already! Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence is still wonderful even i have been listening to it for about a year! I never get tired listening to that kind of music hmm.

Actually what kind of person i am? Do you know me? Do i ever know myself? Will i ever know anybody as well as i know myself? I am getting clueless... Why the sudden? Do i have a personality?

Graduation!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-13T17:18:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow imma graduate from my high school! Not literally graduating lah cuz i will still have to go to school to settle everything down before i leave. Leaving the school is definitely exciting for us because we get to escape from all those ridiculous school rules and the point is NO MORE UNIFORMS! But on the second thought i actually feel quite sad that after this, i can no more have fun with my cute classmates, no more Liting's homemade fried rice, no more Amethyst's peanut butter, no more yelling from Carol, no more laughters and craps in school with the gangs and Yizenism.

It was quite a journey, despite having a lot of unpleasant memories, i succeeded in living my life happily in this 5 years. I decided to bury those unpleasant memories in deep of my heart for future reference, (=.=) yes, future reference, not wanting to forget it, because they helped me a lot.

Besides my 5 Delta (Makan) class, i am so going to miss my Chinese Orchestra, debate, softball... et ti cah. Those days... They filled up my boring school life and taught me to be a better person.

Friends, let's do this!!!

2010-10-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY

2010-10-07T01:53:00.002+08:00

Tossing and turning... Its already 1.55a.m. and i am still awake. I can't sleep, i hate this feeling so much =(

Its like when you closed ur eyes and try very very hard to sleep for nearly 2 hours and you are still wide awake... Then i really cannot tahan so i on the computer to see whether i will get tired or not like usual ( i always feel like sleeping after 5 minutes of computer nowadays). I even googled 'how to fall asleep' just now. FML.

I am supposed to wake up at 5.30 and get ready by 6.15, to go have breakfast with friends. Looks like its impossible to me waking up at 5.30 now. =(

I don't know how....... Sigh.

I hope everything will be fine honey, =)

2010-10-04T20:50:00.004+08:00

I just read your blog and my heart ached. You were such a wonderful girl and a reliable friend i had known until some day you mysteriously ignored me without a reason. i always find myself still wondering why would you treat me like this, haunting over it. And whenever i ask you this question, you would just ignore or refuse to answer. I don't blame you and i stopped wondering after a while. Was it all just a joke that we used to be so close. It was way too hard for me to adapt but i accepted. I started to just leave you alone and distance myself away from you. Because i've learnt, that you don't know how to appreciate gifts from god. I have never been in such shallow relationship before, you know. haha. You lived happily ever after until someday your friends found out things about you that i realized years ago. You got repelled from the group and dumped by your boyfriend. I hated you for not giving any explanation abandoning our relationship, but as what i wrote at the first sentence, my heart ached. I always thought that you deserved all these, but apparently, everything seems to be too strong and too hard for a little girl like you to accept. For real, i just hope you can go through this stage of your life and turn over a new leaf, For yourself. Stop all the lies and be yourself, treat everyone with sincerity.

比较

2010-10-03T11:11:00.004+08:00

Do you think friendships last forever? I thought, yes. I thought, friends wud be the best companion in our lives. The relationship between friends tend to be stronger than spouse.

很多人说, 朋友会比情人重要. 因为你没有了情人, 你还有大把朋友在身边. 我曾这么觉得.

可是最近我发现到, 原来情人就是我们最好的朋友.

所谓最好的朋友, 就是能够接受你所有缺点, 包容你, 宠爱你, 体贴你, 关心你, 爱你, 疼你, 不求回报.

试问, 其他朋友做得到这一切吗?

只要是家人, 朋友, 情人, 我都把他们叫做亲人. 家人没有假的, 情人也不会假爱你, 但朋友却会.

出生入死的好兄弟好朋友固然重要, 可是我们人始终要回归到自己的家, 和家人在一起, 和情人创造一个自己的家.

家人和情人无怨无悔的付出, 兄弟们陪你出生入死, 度过快乐时光, 哪个比较重要?

然后, 你心里就会想: 是不同的啊, 怎么可以拿来比较呢

对, 就是不可以拿来比较的, 所以千万不要试着想要把家人, 情人和朋友分排名, 那只会让你显得更无聊更蠢, 也会伤害到自己或对方.

2010-10-01T12:49:00.002+08:00

Had issues with the boyfriend recently. I think the problems were all caused by the sudden distance between two of us, and both our pressure from our studies. We calmly settled yesterday that he told me my problem and i told him my needs. Whats greater. I hope we can go through this stage! I still love you!

2010-09-27T13:27:00.002+08:00

I feel so sorry i just ignored my dad. Not exactly ignore la but just kept silent! I was so gonna cry that time i was down and daddy knocked my door. I reluctantly opened the door after a few knocks and he somehow got a bit angry liao he asked: "are u watching movie? u can't hear me is it?" I just shaked my head. "i off the wireless ok?" i nodded. "y? u feel bothered?" i shaked my head. "ohh then okayy." he walked to his room. I feel so sorry but i couldn't speak i dono why. argh. i wish i had the courage to apologize to him... sigh

2010-09-25T00:37:00.003+08:00

今天玩得非常尽兴！是有点累可是无怨无悔。就如瑞仪所说的，很久没有合奏得那么开心了！和大乐乐乐团合奏非常爽，很随性！穿一件tshirt和七分裤就这样上台表演，真是和以往大大不同！希望在场观看的观众再也不觉得华乐是非常沉闷又死板又传统的东西！没去的我只好说可惜！谢谢老天爷让我有这个机会，也谢谢姐姐提醒我塞琵琶膏让我咳嗽快快好，可以参与演出！趁感觉还在，快快写～

2010-09-20T15:52:00.002+08:00

Oh within these few days there are so many issues happening around!! I just realized i am getting more and more outdated. -.-

Well its not that bad isn't it, sometimes the less you know the better you live! Haha! Like not knowing the secrets behind McDonald's then you can enjoy la no need to suffer from any temptation la just do anything you want muahaha. This is SO possible to be the main reason why i always fail to slim down. T.T

So Kahfei's girlfriend Yi Lin came to Terengganu last week and stayed at my house. At first i thought i would be very awkward between me and her but it turned out that shes very nice. I am so glad that Kahfei finally grows up and managed to go on a date with his girlfriend! I wonder whats taking Yeeruii so long to search for her 'soul mate'. Hahaha. Shed probably kill me for this.

Why am i becoming so random????????

2010-09-14T01:09:00.003+08:00

Theres this youtube singer called Jason Chen which is quite popular amg my facebook homepage and i don't know why? He is not handsome, he sings ok but not like i will give a wow (there are plenty of youtube singers are better than him lor) and one thing that i don't like about him is that he is too not natural if you know what i mean. Also he don't accept bad critiques. =( He look so gay and he is not cute at all!

Watch

Well i admit he is quite good in singing but HEY WUD U STOP STARING AT ME AND YOUR EYEBROWS ARENT CUTE!! u scared the hell outta me and i don't like you at all =(

But i hate square-faced whore more

2010-09-12T16:15:00.002+08:00

Symptoms of Dengue fever:

Fever, joint and bone pain, nausea, vomiting, headache, fatigue.

Fever? (check. not serious fever)

Joint and bone pain? (check. pain until i can barely walk around in my room!!!)

Nausea? (check. i hate it)

Vomiting? (no, phiew)

Headache? (check. a serious one. even i nod also pain ah wtf)

Fatigue? (check. serious!)

OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

2010-09-09T20:01:00.001+08:00

Wu Ming Xia Reunion

2010-08-31T00:08:00.002+08:00

So the night before the Merdeka day, my dad generously gave me permission to go to a bbq party organised by Weijie's friend, Yong Jun. I was really unwilling to go before because i barely know his friends. Somehow weijie managed to persuade me to attend. I wore a black T Weijie bought with a short pants, knowing that it is a bbq party and the place is going to be really smoky. Weijie and his friend fetched me to the place. We reached rather early. Yong Jun and his family prepared a lot of delicacies and gladly the main dish was fried rice, which is my favorite. Hot dogs, fish balls, tofu, chicken wings, corns, macaroni and many more. Weijie and i helped to grill and we actually ate a lot. I mean, A LOT. I mentioned that i don't really know his friends right but his friends are lovely that they actually took the initiative to befriend me by starting some corny conversations and i really appreciate that. Then they started to tell funny stories about each other. I laughed a lot, i mean, A LOT. It was great talking with them and after that me and Weijie went out of his house to have a walk. The street was quiet because most of the people went for countdown parties and all. We had a long conversation and i love it =)

Happy Merdeka!

Happiness comes from?

2010-08-29T00:01:00.004+08:00

Seriously i don't have anything to blog about already and i don't know why. I've lost my enthusiasm T.T Shuwei, teach me how to get it back.

Perhaps my life is already perfect and i don't have to nag anymore here -.-''

Don't be surprised but i am happy with my life now.

I have happy parents, a happy sister with a boyfriend (which will completely distract her from bullying me), a bunch of happy friends in school, a happy and caring boyfriend.

I have found my source of happiness, that is, when people around me are happy.

I love seeing them happy and when they are not, i try to make them happy.

I am not good in keeping a conversation alive but i always try my best not to let my friend frown.

I used to try to make people like me, but in the end i found out that i wasn't myself anymore.

Therefore i decided to change. I don't need a lot of friends i don't need to be a topic i don't need to tell secrets to maintain any friendship anymore.

I am now me, i don't have to pretend anymore. Pretending is very tiring than you can ever imagine.

Gladly now that i'm not restricted by whoever and to do whatever, i found my happiness. I am happy.

What about you?

2010-08-20T22:37:00.002+08:00

原来乐团对你来说什么都不是

我一度以为你是真的喜欢

比赛之后你的态度令我失望

我觉得原因并不是你爸爸不给你来练习

我觉得是你自己的问题

比赛之后

对乐团根本不闻不问

曾经跟你一起出生入死的junior你一点都不鸟

你给我的感觉是你被放生了

终于不用管不用练习

可能那个时候你没有哭是因为你根本没有用心去练？

还是不够感性？

我不知道

我很失望

我有一种预感

你毕业之后不会回来乐团

你一点都不会想念

你也给我一种感觉

你在利用华乐团

无论什么面试

你会什么才艺？笛子

阿唐走过后你就这样我不明白为什么

2010-08-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

如果真的那么好, 怕什么被别人说. 只要你们认为你们是最棒的, 又何必为了这种小人做的芝麻小事动怒.

2010-08-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

Why lee hom so leng cai wan?

2010-08-12T23:15:00.001+08:00

对有些人而言　　有时
能遇见一个对的人　过着简单平凡的一生　是最难得的幸福

把握当下　珍惜彼此
在柴米油盐酱醋茶里蕴酿着永恒的爱

2010-08-12T23:05:00.002+08:00

Nowadays, 誰にもすでに攻撃しない. Very dangerous... I thought ブログ is supposed to be フリー, but some 積極的な人々just really like to 読む and 不必要なフィードバックを与える. But 私はまだ私の友人を愛する. =)

私はまだ李紅の新しいアルバムを得ることができない

朋友论

2010-08-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

原来朋友可以那么肤浅

原来朋友可以不用真心

原来朋友可以那么虚伪

其实，身为这件事情的路人甲，我领悟到的东西还蛮多的。不是领悟，应该算是见识吧。其实什么是真心？对我来说，真心意味着对待别人或在付出的时候不求任何回报，没有任何私心，没有心机，没有恶意，非常纯粹。也许你觉得这样太吃亏，很蠢。我相信真心是可以感受到的，是可以感动的，一旦别人感受到你的真心，被感动，一样的，他也会用真心对待你。

我个人认为，真心是快乐的泉源。

只要做得到真心对待朋友，亲人，爱人，得到的回报会比想象中更好，更多。

他们的举动令人匪夷所思。其实不是看不出，其实大家心知肚明。可是偏偏面子在作怪，把事情搞得乱七八糟。（面子书是不是应该负点责任？）

不真心，至少不要虚伪。虚伪是一种非常小人的举动，令人看不起。我的劝告，最好不要虚伪，因为一旦被人揭穿你虚伪的面具，你失去的不会只是朋友。这又何必呢？若要人不知，除非己

莫为。如果你认为你法力高深没有人会揭穿，你发梦吧你。

用真心去对待人吧，不要因为想讨好别人而出卖自己。如果你认

为这样会使你朋友减少因为可以用真心对待的人其实不多，那我

告诉你，好朋友剩下一个其实已经非常足够，死不了的。不需要

讨好，随缘分。

2010-08-02T18:23:00.002+08:00

我的档案

姓名：张艺湉

出生日期：4月12日

星座：牧羊座

身高：秘密

体重：秘密

偶像：蔡伟杰，王力宏

性感指数： 101%

可爱指数： 100%

气质指数： 80%

成熟指数：还在观察中

by CWJ

2010-07-29T23:37:00.001+08:00

过了不久，命运看着女孩点点头

说可以

女孩流泪了

2010-07-29T16:34:00.003+08:00

很深很深的夜晚

她呀，赖在床上

习惯性地在睡觉前思考一番

翻来覆去，思考着今天所经历的一切

问问自己今天过得好吗？有学习到什么吗？感想？

自从那天，她用着共同的答案回答所有问题

怎么时间过得那么慢？

等待，不好玩。

对，贪玩的她什么事情都是用玩的

玩书总比读书显得有趣很多吧！

总之，在她的世界里，任何一样事情，前面加了个‘玩‘字

事情办起来总是轻松，容易的多

直到有一天，命运开始让她等待　

她欣然地接受了

开始每天都在玩等待

玩着玩着

她累了，于是她睡着了

睡了好多天

我看她啊，是累坏了

醒来之后

她也不见得想要继续玩下去

问问命运：可不可以不玩这个啊？

命运笑了笑，耸耸肩

并没有要回答她的意思

2010-07-28T22:26:00.001+08:00

I hate noises! unnecessary voices! darn sound pollution! argh im going to be crazy

2010-07-24T23:06:00.002+08:00

This post is not going to be in Mandarin again. Poor lil shuwei cant read hahaha.

Ohkayy another week flew away and i still havent start my 'intensive studying for spm' program! So dead. Went out with ruiyi today just to seek for a shoe to suit my dress i am going to wear to the farewell dinner. not farewell party meh? no its farewell dinner. yeah we tend to exaggerate things like making parties like prom. i've spent a bloody of rm130. lunch included la of course. erm tomorrow is the stupid and lazy sunday again i hate assemblies i hate sundays. why the hell do we hav to stand for about 45 minutes just to listen to some crap which is totally useless. however im going to stand there for a few times again then no more assemblies in my life anymore. i dun think im going to miss it anyway. this post is so unlike yizen why ah? yizen aint this aggressive. haha

2010-07-22T12:50:00.000+08:00

在哪裡他到底在哪裡
終於知道我給的太少我的寶貝在哪裡
喔~好可惜像是場夢而已
醒來以後發現它卻走了不會電不回信

告訴我愛在哪裡
找過高找過低
愛在哪裡一直尋尋覓覓
愛在哪裡如果看到他
說我還說我還在這裡

告訴我愛在哪裡
找過東找過西
愛在哪裡仍然無聲無息
愛在哪裡喔~我好想念
他能來來因為愛在哪裡
快點回
在哪裡

2010-07-16T19:48:00.003+08:00

This is so insane! I got chosen for the PLKN thingy which is what i really don't wanna go.

昨天教练来我们的学校，住我的家。志强哥哥也是住我的家。瑞仪也是住我的家。我也叫家辉来住我的家可是他不要。空空的客房和我房里空空的床有人住了，真是开心。也许我真的还不习惯和还没接受姐姐的离开和妈妈开了个很忙得餐厅。

今天早上的练习非常累，教练带来的每一首都很费气，差不多每一个小节都在吹。之后老师建议我们去老妈的店吃东西。教练，老师和志强哥哥有所谓的 ‘小女儿的贵人的特权’。后来我们回去会所练习，打算练习后要去游泳。天不作美竟然下雨了。我们就到熊熊店喝水聊天。雨停了，我们再次萌起游泳的念头，又去看了一下，怎么知道游泳池要收档了。当作是倒霉的一天吧！志强哥哥比较可怜，想打保龄球三次三次都没得打。包括这次。不知道为什么？之后和淑慧说拜拜，志强哥哥带我们回家。我在车上睡着了。梦见大家合奏完美的阿美族舞曲。很好听。之后电话响了一下就被吓醒了。

回到家坐了一下，突然听见教练打开房门准备出去，带着行李。我们欢送教练。之后瑞仪也叫她爸爸来载她，大家都回去了。家里又是静静的。

教练的可爱粉红色手表 RM9.90

2010-07-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

昨天跟老朋友聊了一下，才知道他的状况。我知道以前他有一个很好很好的结拜兄弟，关系好到不行，每天都在一起，好像恨不得要当亲兄弟一样。昨天他说，因为意见分歧，思想不同，所以他们已经不再是像以前那样好。还是很好，可是没有以前兄弟那么好。他说可能是都长大了吧，四周围的人，东西，都慢慢在改变。

对，周围的事物都慢慢在改变，甚至我们觉得不该变的东西也无情地变了。
我们不得不一直配合，接纳，融入，甚至习惯身边正在改变的一切。多无奈？

2010-07-12T22:08:00.003+08:00

Today, orchestra meeting was held. Now i know that despite all the glories and trophies we had, we still have a lot, i mean a lot of obstacles to overcome, to eventually reach our destination. We have to have the spirit to deal with these obstacles. Gambateh members!

2010-07-06T15:33:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time fellas. So we're back to Terengganu, currently moving on in this cruel but real world. We had a really hard time to suit ourselves back to our normal lives after living in Kedah for like one week T3T

Anyway theres nothing special happening these few days, yes back to the dull life. Yizen is still a die hard Lee Hom and Ueno Juri fan.

2010-07-02T16:47:00.002+08:00

So basically i spend my Fridays on Chinese Orchestra practices and hanging out with the members. Today was an unusually tiring day for me as i worked on my new instrument Suona that i have mentioned in my previous post, new songs and flute. Yes after the tiring yet exciting practice (we experimented an old song), we went to have lunch at the First Station which is located at the so called Makan Street. Then we spent some time to think of where to go next, and Kahfei contributed a stupid idea, Giant. He probably just wanted to play PS. =.=
But eventually i had a great fun playing the basketball machine, puzzle machine and PS. Bloody PS. They actually chose Naruto fighting game and we played like for an hour. It was so funny that Datuk and Kahfei were actually beaten by me who didn't even know Naruto game exists. Drivers of the day are Teacher Kok, Su Hwee and CK kor kor (note: kor kor = big brother).

2010-06-18T18:32:00.002+08:00

Oh right, in case you're incredibly outdated, we got the golden award for the CO competition at Penang last week!!! Believe it or not! Hah. So finally i did something right in CO. Getting the golden award!!! =D
So you think its easy to get one??????
No, seriously.
GOLDEN AWARD OMFG!!!!

2010-06-18T01:54:00.000+08:00

Distance? Nah. I hate it.

2010-06-15T15:52:00.003+08:00

Dishes we cooked

The entrance tickets to the final round of competition

7 Lang, where sir brought us to have dinner

Sir and Ruiyi

Sir and Yizen

Sir and Kahfei

Sir's secret music room with tons of books all about Chinese Orchestra believe it or not

Welcome to the secret chamber

Make up party

An unhealthy night

2010-06-14T21:35:00.001+08:00

2010-05-29T12:37:00.002+08:00

You see, i bet not just only me but perhaps everyone imagined or dream about how are they going to live their life in the future. Ignore the 2012 statement, i will now share my ideal and wonderful life that i want to have in the future.

Firstly, must be finishing educations first lo. After high school, then to university, then graduate. I will definitely do my best in studies and graduate as a student yang cemerlang. (Note, just an imagination) Then i will start my career as whatever i will be for 10 or 20 years, successfully. I want to earn a lot of money first (about age 35 to 40), then retire from the job. By then i am already a rich person. So the next thing i will do is move to somewhere in Europe, maybe Prague or Paris (obviously influenced by the Nodame cantabile show -.-'') or Italy. (Note, IMAGINATION)
I am still single, i will go there alone, start a coffee shop, leading a new life. There, i am going to meet a (rich) guy who i will fall in love with, then get married. (about age of 45) Will have 2 children if i am still able to give birth at the age.
Then after few years (children bigger already), me and my family will move back to my country which Malaysia, possibly back to Terengganu also. First thing to do is to buy a building (not too big), making it a music studio then donate it to my Chinese Orchestra. The studio will be their very special practice spot where they don't have to worry about the expenses or shares. What me and my husband do there is to give our children a perfect education parenthood, concentrating in enjoying life.

Romantic not????

What's your story?

Slacker

2010-05-26T22:54:00.003+08:00

I just couldnt fight the temptation of internet so here i am again, updating this stupid old blog. FB, check. MSN, check. Hotmail, check. Blogger, check. What else? My life is hectic in a dull form! Argh!! So i am having my mid year exam for two weeks, this and next week. After exam i will have to attend CO trainings omfg then off to Penang for CO competition, then to Kedah for another competition. Wah i like professional already, everywhere also got competition. Thus no more June holiday for me. July, I strongly believe that after holiday Mr Chew will ask us to see him again for inter school debate competition. Thus whole July will be occupied with debate meetings and brainstormings in the comfy access room. How how? How am i going to strive for my trial and SPM =( Yeah yeah i know i know i should learn time management skill ma. Sigh. I just don't know what to do i feel so hopeless. Anyone?

Ps: my prince is coming back in july ;D I miss u >.<

2010-05-15T15:48:00.005+08:00

I just did something really salah i feel guilty dammit. Everyone must be striving and studying so hard by now for the mid year exam but i, unfortunately, just finished a japanese drama wth. I am sorry to myself =( By the way i wonder why japanese dramas are so fascinating. Its like after you finish one then you have to be really sad because it has finished and you miss the drama for few days then only you can let go. You will also possibly watch it again. They are always touching and meaningful. Every episode also got suspense you can never not to continue it. My highest record made is i watched the entire Nodame Cantabile live action drama for 6 times already. =.=
Btw i just finished a drama called Last Friends. Ive known this drama few years back but i didn't get to watch it because... ERM... Nobody ever recommended it to me? Haha. Hmm i wonder why. Maybe i wasn't attracted by the title. Last Friends. There are total 12 episodes. Special episode included. Special episode? Well if you are not familiar with japanese dramas then: Almost every single japanese drama has 1 or 2 special episodes. According to my experiences, special episodes are to summarize the plot of the drama and give you the conclusion. Like ending la. But mostly all endings in jp dramas are good ones. And touching ones.
Okay back to Last Friends. Before the synopsis, i shall praise Ueno Juri. Great actress. Two very different characters with different personality, Noda Megumi and Ruka, she enhanced her acting skill, a versatile actress. The main characters in the drama are the famous beauty Masami Nagasawa, Ueno (Nodame!!) Juri, Eita (Mine!!!), Asami Mizukawa (Kiyora!!!!!), Nishikido Ryo (the 1 litoru no namida guy!!) and another one i donnoe his name~~ Haha! xD

“I’m a prisoner of love, I’m a prisoner of love…”

The lyrics to Utada Hikaru’s “Prisoner of Love” stick with me after completing this very disturbing, yet heart warming drama series. To say that it takes the viewer on a roller coaster ride is an understatement! What it really does is toss the viewer down the backside of a tremendous mountain just as the sun is setting. It’s terrifying and beautiful all at once. For me to say such a thing about a series I almost passed up, well, says a lot.

Last Friends focuses on a group of people and their seemingly normal lives. Aida Michiru (Nagasawa Masami), is a hairdresser with a cute and sweet as pie boyfriend, Oikawa Sosuke (Nishikido Ryo). After being asked by Sosuke to move in with him, Michiru accepts instantly. After a fated meeting with a junior high friend, Kishimoto Ruka (Ueno Juri) the two reminisce for a bit. Ruka tells Michiru of the share house she is living in with her friend Eri (Mizukawa Asami). The rent is cheap, and Ruka offers to let Michiru move in, but Michiru informs Ruka of her life with her boyfriend. They exchange numbers, and agree to meet up soon. The writers then proceed to punch the viewers in the face when Sosuke’s jealousy turns him from the kind Ryo of 1 Liter of Tears, to a psychopathic monster. Soon, Michiru ends up becoming close with Ruka, her friends Takeru (Eita), Eri, and “Ogurin” (Yamazaki Shigenori). The series then centers around the meaning of love and friendship in unexpected ways. Each character carries their own burdens and pain, and in a way they all become prisoners of love.

This drama brings to light some matters that many young people face today – the most notable problem being DV (domestic violence) relationships. It sends the message that real love isn’t based on jealousy and control, but meaningful bonds that better your life. Because of its slight focus on DV, there are some graphic and uncomfortable scenes.

Generally, I loved this series. It is certainly a tearjerker, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who doesn’t like a lot of drama. Though there are happy moments that make your heart feel warm and fuzzy, the majority of it is heart wrenching. The series starts out sickeningly average, and even a bit too cheery. I only got through the first twenty minutes of the first episode before turning it off. Then I went back to it when I was ready to give it my full attention. By the end of the first episode I wanted to kick myself for not getting into it sooner. The acting is well done, and I found Ruka to be one of my favorite characters. Then again, I felt an attachment to each of them, even the creepy Sosuke.

The ending is satisfying in that it doesn’t cater to the typical love story you may see in other dramas. The story revolved, and ended, around the central theme of finding love for yourself and keeping the bonds of friendship strong. There are not only one or two kinds of love. Sometimes there is a feeling that goes a bit deeper – that can’t be defined. A love that is free.

Two thumbs up for this drama!

Credits to Nipponmedia.nt, Google image, dramawiki

2010-05-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

这... 不一样啊
感觉很不好
我能不能挨得过这关？
好辛苦

2010-05-06T23:34:00.004+08:00

While hopping around in facebook looking at new stuff and news or u call it gossips, i encountered a very young couple having trouble with their relationship. Actually i know them but not really well in real life, because the girl appears to be my very good friend's sister. We knew they got together from early of this year, and their relationship was set 'in a relationship' with each other. How sweet. By the way, few days ago in my 'most recent' news feed, i saw the boy changed his relationship status into single with a message: I don't love you anymore because u and your friends very lanc. (Something like that la) Note: Lanc = snobbish. Another girl commented on the activity asking why. And he answered: cuz she and her friend very Lanc lor. Please help me tell her i don't love her anymore. I know she will be sad but bla bla bla. (I forgot) I assume that the girl commented is a close friend of my friend's sister. I was very bothered by how they childishly manage their love life nowadays but then i couldn't anything. Well is that an excuse to break up? Fiuh. Alright i admit i am quite 38 also la. Hehe.
Then today, when i just came back from CO practice, i logged on to facebook checking new gossips again. Then i saw the boy changed his status to 'in a relationship'

This is from the boy's profile

Look at him asking people's opinion whether to get back together or not. After saying such cruel words to the girl. Like he has choice. TAG people some more! Walau eh.

I couldn't help it but to go take a look at the girl's profile because im too 38

Just look at what the guy wrote to her

I mean, my point is, is that really what they call love? How could someone ever say 'i don't love you anymore' and give such stupid reason (because people say u and ur friends are lanc). Love is supposed to be a promise and acceptance of another people to be in your life isn't it. The kids are ridiculous. In fact, they know nothing about love and being in a relationship. Relationship to them is? Holding hands, saying i love you, eye contact, kissing (mayb not yet), love letters, texting each other? Too shallow... I am not saying that i know deeply about love but at least i know love shouldn't be this shallow. I hope one day they will know what are they doing and truly understand how to love before labeling their selves as couples.

2010-04-27T20:10:00.002+08:00

My heart pounding so fast, my nerves tighten, i couldn't speak a word, i couldn't move.

My dear 1 Malaysia team has become the champion of the stupid inter class debate. For now its all over, i am looking forward to compete in the inter school debate competition. That would be so much fun.

My feelings are so complicated now i don't know what are all these about. I am confused, i suddenly realize that i never work hard enough before to achieve anything i want. From the same beginning, moving at the same pace, they are eventually getting ahead of me. Apparently i am having a hard time figuring out what i really need and what i want. And now i don't have time to spare and sit down, slowly figure everything out.

迷失方向，不知道怎么回去起点。呼吸困难，却没有时间让我坐下来休息。我是不是太久没有这种感觉了，为什么会感到如此熟悉又陌生，恐惧？想不通，我该怎么做？我不知道... I need a break... midyear 考试越来越接近，我却还在忙着其他的东西：做不完的功课，华乐比赛，辩论。
它们压着我，我不能呼吸。
友情的考验，爱情的考验，也让我花了不少心思。我知道现在我应该专心读书应付考试，可是心里总是很不舒服，好像还有很多事情还没有做好，因此我茫然。

我很想出去寻找自己...

2010-04-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

Sound straight from the twilight
Has me up all night
I can't fall asleep 'cause I keep thinking of you
And I saw a shadow outside my window and it's you.

All my sorrows flew away
Hush, keep quiet, hear me say
I don't ever want you to go
Please stay

With the moonlight dancing free
And there's no one but you and me
There's no reason to go astray
Please stay.

Making up a story
It's the way you're looking at me
If you think that this is funny, it's just you.
Try and think about it,
If you're heart is closed don't lock,
Keep your keys back in your pocket,
Think this through.

Please stay with me
Just stay with me
and I will take you to Foreverland
Just stay

2010-04-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

I remember the time when i was in dilemma, whether to listen to everybody or him, i lied to myself, i lied to my sister, i lied to the world. Firstly i have to say sorry to my sister who cared so much about me even i always disappoint her. I am sorry for not telling her the truth and made her so mad and crazy. The day me and him got together, the first thing i thought of was my sister. I didn't know whether to tell her or not. I felt so sorry and even thought of not telling her because she would scold. But then when i first reach home and on the computer, i saw her online and decided to tell her. But she was away so i didn't actually caught her reaction and she didn't say anything much. I felt sooooooo comfortable after telling her. Then our love story started. We started dating, texting, calling, and many more... Our relationship was fine and better day by day. Until the moment when we were having conversation and his uncle called, to inform him that he need to leave for Aussie 4th April and probably coming back October. Or later. I was like in the middle of nowhere, didn't know what to and what to react. Minimum 7 months of separation. Love story paused. How cruel is that to me when i have no more motivation to do anything the moment you walked away and towards the Departure sign. I felt so lonely and helpless. Its like somethings gone. A piece of my heart.
Then we didn't get to contact each other 5 days after you left, until the 6th day when you left me a message.
You called before my birthday. It was only 10.30p.m. but you were already singing Happy Birthday song. How silly you were that youve forgotten that our time is different. Then we went on talking for like an hour.
We text each other for like once in a while because it costs too much.
And yesterday you called again. What happened was terrible. (read my previous post).
Something might have gone wrong. I need some help. I need an advice.
I wonder why?
I wonder when our love story can be resumed?

2010-04-18T23:24:00.003+08:00

刚刚电话响了
拿起手机看看
来电显示是匿名的
就知道是你

那种开心惊喜的感觉
我实在忘不了
可是电话一接通
一听到熟悉的声音
我好像
什么都说不出来
只是静静的听着你说话

有很多很多话想对你说
最近发生的事
最近的心情
快乐的
伤心的
可是说不出口

我不知道你是否有察觉到我的欲言又止
只想说对不起
我也不知道为什么

可能太久没有跟你说话的关系
我一时间反应不过来

对不起啊宝贝

2010-04-15T18:54:00.002+08:00

最笨的辩论比赛终于都过去了
结果当然是我们赢
真是太废了
不是说看小那些中四的，而他们也很不错
只是我们都已经代表学校去比了三年，而他们一点经验都没有
不是在欺负他们吗？
又不给我们教他们。。。什么嘛
第一次赢得那么不光荣

最笨的地方是：
竟然没有人发觉我们辩的题目是不一样的
裁判也没有发觉到
什么嘛
一个是 is tuition necessary 一个是 tuition is necessary to ensure a student's success
好大的差别哦
哈哈
如果真的有在听我们说话
很容易便能察觉到
没想到~
真是令人失望

接下来还要和中五进到决赛的比
希望会比较精彩和刺激

1 Malaysia Spirit!

还有
我发觉到
其实我已经慢慢在适应你的不存在了
谢谢 =）

2010-04-07T23:37:00.002+08:00

Its been 4 days since you left. A lot of events are going on without you. Next week will be a very stupid inter class debate competition with the form4s with a stupid title, "is tuition necessary?". And then will be having stupid English oral test. Then Chinese orchestra solo competition with an unknown date, midyear exam, then Chinese orchestra national competition at Penang. After that will be the reinforcement period for the stupid spm, then trial exam. All these without you. I feel so empty and no motivation =(
I wonder when will you come back
I wonder when will you ever call

2010-04-02T19:29:00.003+08:00

God made this road so hard for us to walk through. I promise to try my best and will not disappoint you.

Ao Xiang VI

2010-03-25T23:52:00.003+08:00

Hi! Just came back from the annual highlight o my 2010, Ao Xiang VI, at Paloh Johor, participated by 8 or 9 schools i forgot ady hehe. The training camp was amazing, as well as the performance made in Kluang, Johor. It was a successful event, i guess. So on 15th March, we started our nearly-8-freaking-hours-journey to Johor. The hyper-actives started to feel good and got really high in the bus, for the WHOLE 8 FREAKIN HOURS. Man can't they shut it down. It was a sunny day. We assumed that they made use of the sunlight energy. We had a lot of fun in the bus, recorded stuff and talk craps. Had the most horrible lunch ever.
We reached at 5 or 6 something and began our camp routine (carry heavy instruments to selected band room) and started checking out our dorm. As usual, we were all separated into different rooms. And they think we will actually have new friends from other school like this. (actually it works some times)
And the OMG part was that at the time being, the whole area of Paloh ha no water supply damn. So for the first time of my life, i had to fight for a pail over so many girls early in the morning, fill it up with water from an external water tank which is damn freaking far from the toilet, (and you know how heavy is it to carry a pail filled with water). EVERY SINGLE MORNING DAMMIT.

But it was quite an experience. We had veges as everyday meal. No meat no pork no meat just vege with white rice. And some unknown tasteless black sauce.
And i lived my life so happily during that 5 days. Not needing to beg my daddy or mommy to fetch me to practice, no need to worry about meals, am just doing what i love to do for the 5 whole days. I really enjoy practicing.

Since there were 8 or 9 schools that participated, there are of course new friends made.

And hot guys too. XD

This is how our practice looked:

And i guess this is the end of my Ao Xiang VI post. I love Ao Xiang! ^.^

2010-03-09T20:44:00.002+08:00

Hi. It has been a long time. And my sister had went back to Australia few weeks back.
Next week i will be attending Ao Xiang IV training camp and performance at Johor. I hope it will be memorable as it will be the last Ao Xiang for me during secondary. Am also organizing a debate competition in school, but the date hasn't fixx yet. Next is Chinese orchestra solo competition which i also dont know when will it be held. And June, Chinese orchestra national competition at Penang. I hope these events will do great. Things hasn't change much, i am still stuck in conflict. But no worries, im working on my studies too.
Till then.

2010-02-13T12:44:00.002+08:00

Aloha! Holidays are the best don't you think so!! I can do whatever i want whenever i can with whoever i want... =.=
Everyone is back for CNY! That is why i like CNY other than having ang pows.
By the way, a lot happened in this week and that i made a lot of mistakes too! Met friends from SS twice in a week that so amazing!(hey i've never seen them for like months already since debate competition) Had our sports day 9/feb! Sports day turned out amazing this year. Even we didn't get the 'what-we-expect-to-get award', we still had a lot of fun! United we play, united we win! We are the champion my lovely Tigerians! Photos will be uploaded soon~
Anyway HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all readers of this blog, my family members, my lovely cousies and my friends!

Next post shall be dedicated to my lovely Carol.

Signing off.

2010-02-10T22:14:00.002+08:00

I feel really bad now
I can't help it
Can anyone save me?
I don't want it to be like this
I didn't mean to
Tho i am really proud of what i did yesterday, my heart bleeds.
I need a hug...

Guide to be happier (only for broken hearts)

2010-02-06T23:26:00.003+08:00

As all the readers of this blog knows, im having i really hard time going through my relationship problems. So.. People like me, I'm kind of used to it already and i have found some ways to effectively make us feel better. I seriously have nothing better to do so im here to share.

Firstly, go for a walk by yourself. Anywhere you like: beach, town, but make sure you are alone.

Secondly, go for a walk with your family. In case they are too busy to accompany you, then only you find your friends. Going out with your family is way much better than with friends but its optional lah.

Thirdly, listen to comfortable music. Classical, jazz, anything but not metallic rock or something. Classical? JazZ? Heres an example of MY comfortable music:

Just watch, don't do other stuff rite. Just concentrate you kiddo. CONCENTRATE!!!! And it will definitely make you feel better. Music like rock or emo will eventually make you feel even worse, trust me.

Fourth, occupy yourself with heavy workloads. Make yourself really busy and you have no time to think of other stuff.

Fifth, sing as loud as you can. With LOUD MUSIC BABEH

Yeah thats all of what i have been doing these days. I hope my information helps. Good day people!

p.s/ don't worry guys, i will try my best. Thanks for giving me so much support =)

2010-02-06T18:29:00.002+08:00

Don't worry, you've already returned my heart, all yet in pieces.

I'll try my best to confront my fears.

Maybe Yijia was right, this is what god intended to let me see. God was trying to convey something to me. The more i see the stronger i get.

Maybe Qing and Yan was right, my feelings were neglected so why do i still care? I should treat myself better. I shouldn't have wasted my tears over these petty stuff.

2010-02-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

碎了... 一片一片... 变粉了

2010-02-05T00:37:00.002+08:00

终于，我的决定是对的
不去补习虽然有点坏蛋
可是我得到很多很多
在那么久之后
我终于有那几个小时玩
做我喜欢做的东西
忘我
忘记一切烦恼
避风港非会所莫属
过了那么久
我终于再次尝到开心
我今天是开心的 =)

淑慧，我没有不开心
我只是变懒得说话了
你放心吧

2010-02-02T21:19:00.002+08:00

Its already February!! I didn't realize tho I'm used to countdown everyday until 2011. Why countdown? Because i thought i'd hate this year and wanted it to pass really fast. But now i've kinda changed my mind, cuz i kinda enjoy life like this. Just like how my standard6 and form3 days.

Sometimes i really wonder, will anyone miss me if i suddenly disappear from this world. What if i got into an accident, unconscious, coma, does anyone even care? If the world is going to end, will anyone say goodbye to me or even think of me?

Changed, to someone who doesn't care about anything other than herself.

Because too many people are being too selfish, it scared the hell out of her. Being funny is still, nice to everyone but, no more sincerity from her. She has learned to protect herself.

I can't help it but to feel this way. Like, nobody even care. Blah. Sorry for this really emo post, emo i mean im really having a bad mood now. Btw what i wrote is exactly what i feel.

2010-01-31T20:50:00.002+08:00

I wonder why do i care when it seems like he doesn't care at all? Maybe i should just stop being so annoying, like, complaining or whatever. Or maybe he doesn't even bother to know whether do i care or not. Hmm alright lets just stop thinking about this. Well i just did my very new wishlist. Lets see~

Yizen's latest current wishlist which can really make her happy:

1. A Winnie The Pooh pencil case

2. A Winnie The Pooh keychain

3. A hug

4. An apology from him

5. A new phone (not urgent)

6. A new laptop?? Maybe after my SPM

And to my friend, BANGUN!! FIGHT FOR URSElF!! GANBATEH KUDASAI!! WE KNOW U CAN DO IT BABEH =)

2010-01-29T01:02:00.003+08:00

If its true that you were only sympathizing, then why were you the one who treated me so good at first? Like, fooled. The one who confessed was you, the one who has been so nice to me was you, is it all just an illusion? What are you thinking?

All those promises, the way you care for me, is it all fake?

Or is it just me?

Am i that pathetic that you have to confess and treating me like a princess? Am i really that pathetic? Or its just your selfishness? The selfishness which you don't want to lose either one of us. You know you're going to lose me if you were to choose her, and you know you're going to lose her if you were to choose me. And you got me hurt.

I don't care whats your choice but can you tell me, were you really happy when we were together? Or were you just acting to be happy because you were feeling pity for me?

你对我说过的每一句话，里面都只有同情吗？

关心都是假的？

甜言蜜语也是假的？

诺言都是假的吗？

2010-01-25T18:37:00.003+08:00

Back when 2006, i was just a kid wondering around the school, sniffing here and there trying out new stuffs, meet new people, judge teachers

Then a year passed, then it was 2007. I remained in the same class, with same classmates, starting to really WONDER around the school, judging teachers as usual, some new friends.

2008, i STILL remained in the same class, slightly changes of classmates, different teachers and the best classroom. 2008 was a perfect year with memories with friends and Chinese Orchestra members. Not a kid anymore, i thought. Became a debater, had PMR.

Wasn't really satisfied with my 2009 but i had the best classmates. I was the vice president of the orchestra, section leader of woodwind. Too much of bad memories which i wish to forgot. Watched 2012, afraid to step in 2010. New year count-downed with the best people i've met.

I wonder what will i write about 2010 next year?

Time has no mercy.

2010-01-24T21:13:00.003+08:00

一个字形容我现在的处境：忙

是哪一个笨蛋把运动会安排在考试期间

笨到

老师们给功课象假的酱

补习多到像假的酱

我觉得我很快就会产生反效果

我已经有逃课的念头了妈呀

那种心情

你明白吗？

在这种时候，我只想躲进乐室

用力的吹我喜欢的歌

跟喜欢的人聊聊课本和学校以外的东西

跟好朋友出去透透气

听听歌

可以吗？

2010-01-19T21:57:00.003+08:00

Can't i just fall in love normally like everyone does? Why just me, stuck in this super complicated stupid foolish relationship. I just want it to be simple, and beautiful.

Just a simple one. Hmm.

2010-01-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

I wonder how will she react if she knows my true feelings? I don't know how to tell, i just don't want things to change. I love the way she treats me now, but things might be different if i tell her. Or maybe she already knew?

Okay stop wondering who is she dammit. Its a guy.

Sigh. I have never been so coward before dammitttt. I seriously need some advice... anyone?

I actually mentioned the guy in my blog before and revealed his sampats and claims he never read blogs. But he does read my blog =.= Now only i know ftw.

Is the movie Orphan nice?

I just borrowed the DVD from ahfai but i dunwanna watch alone!! Horror movies anyone??

2010-01-14T22:22:00.002+08:00

What a week... Life has been hectic.

Emotional breakdown ftw.

2010-01-13T22:03:00.001+08:00

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me

I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

2010-01-09T13:11:00.002+08:00

I prefer weekdays more than weekends now. I wonder why? May be the sudden absence of you in my life to accompany me during weekends.

Life is hectic already tho its just the first week of school.

And finally... i completed my physics homework.

Ahhhh

Credits to Bear, Qing and Yun Xin. ^^

2010-01-07T23:21:00.002+08:00

Don't ever disappear in my life... As if you never existed

I hate this feeling

i hate it

i really hate it

i mean it!!!

You should've known... I hate being left behind by someone i care...

Don't go away

Don't disappear

Please

Pressure

2010-01-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

Its just the 4th day since the school reopened but i feel like dying already. Anyone feels the same way like i do?